Manic Depression

My 26th year old nephew had a pretty severe manic episode. He quit his job, took off to California, over some girl he was in love with that rejected him. He came back to his home town and was at Tall Timbers Church Camp were he was asked to leave because he was cutting himself. Made his way to his mothers office were the people inside locked him out. He proceeded to take his car and kept hitting the girls car he was in love with until it was totaled taking another car and a post with it. The police were called and after hunting him down he is being held in the hospital under a suicide watch until if and when he is transferred to jail.

Bikram Yoga . . . after the challenge 110, 111, 112 . . .

May 20,21, 26th . . . Bikram Classes

Sobering thoughts

I started this post and never finished it. I've been thinking about my Dad alot recently. I am trying to stay calm but sometimes it is hard. I've been working through childhood experiences and some of the flashbacks. His little boy voice he would use . . . promising my mom he would never drink again, he was going to leave and never come back, and Alison please don't hit me, and then the eruption . . . he used that same little boy voice with me a couple weeks ago after he came back down after one of his emotional episodes.

My sister said she was at Dad's house getting some pictures and noticed his walk through pantry was fully stocked with alcohol which has not been the case in 26 years . . . My Dad celebrated 26 years of sobriety last August . . .

I know his girlfriend drinks . . . so maybe it is for her and for her family that comes and visits . . .

People Fascinate Me

I am always intrigued the array of people God sets before us in our lives. Each and every person I learn something new. There maybe someone I spent a short amount of time with 30 years ago and then they are brought back into my life. There maybe someone I have known for less than a year and it seems like I have known them a lifetime, but actually know very little about them, but what I do know matters. There are people I meet on the greenbelt trails running . . . last week I saw a guy twice as we were making the loop in opposite directions and the simple looking good and a high five.

I find I have groupings of friends . . . each group brings a whole dimension of understanding to life. Whether my running group, quilt bee friends, church family, yoga friends, solo friends meaning they don't really fit into any group, family and relatives, and my best friend who would be my husband. Each of these friends though they are all very different from one another they are all important and make my life whole.

Bikram Yoga and more . . . after the challenge 109 . . . Weight Watchers

I'm trying to change things up a bit. Today I ran with someone I haven't run with in years . . . actually since I trained with Kingwoodfit for a couple of years. Today we did a 6 mile run at East End Park . . . normally the people I run with want me to slow down and seriously I AM NOT A FAST RUNNER . . . well today Billie is faster that me so she set the pace I just kept up . . . so it was great. During the run we talked running. This is so different from the other people I run with that we talk about everything but running. Billie has run 10 marathons and is training for the Marine Corp marathon which is October 25. She is doing the ATP training which is running 6 days a week plus additional cross training. It is getting a bit hot and humid outside so I need to get serious about replacing my electroyltes even during a shorter run like today . . . at the end of the run I was toast. We compared notes at the end of the run and it looks like we plan to run together on Wednesdays.

After the run I went home and had a coconut water to replace my electroyltes. Did my monthly weigh in at Weight Watchers* and headed downtown to Bikram Yoga. Cheryl was instructing. I had not done Bikram since last Thursday so my body welcomed the practice.

*A little side note on Weight Watchers . . . it is a great program. I had never had a problem losing weight but keeping it off was another story. Along with other things my body was pretty messed up from the poor decisions of a teenage girl. I didn't understand that it is really okay to eat. I never knew what in the world I was suppose to weigh or eat for that matter. Now I eat to stay healthy. I know if I fall under 120 pounds I need to adjust my activity and fuel intake. In the same respect if I go over 130 pounds I need to adjust my activity and fuel intake. It is all about balance and proper food choices.

Bikram Yoga and more . . . after the challenge 108 . . . roller coaster

Today Friday, May 8 I had a new instructor at Bikram her name was Hannah. I attended the 10:00 class. My current plan . . . this is always subject to change to attend Bikram 2-3 times a week. I have cross training activities to keep me busy on the other days back in Kingwood.

On Wednesday after going to spinning I met up with a former running coach at Starbucks, Billie had come to Kingwood to run. We got to talking and it sounded like the plan was to come every Wednesday to do her long day training runs. I told her I would be very interested. She mentioned another gal Luanne wanted to run also. Billie is gearing up to run the Marine Core Marathon I believe it is in October. We decided to e-mail each other to confirm what time on Wednesday which would be sometime between 7:30 - 8:00. After that I headed back to the gym for a Body Flow class.

Thursday was a spin . . . planned on a glutes and abs class but felt a need to go on a hunt for my lost drivers license and credit card . . . which I finally found betweent he front drivers seat and console of my car.

I don't remember how much I've blogged about the events with my Dad the past couple of weeks . . . but he is coming down off of his high and going down and it is very bumpy on the way down . . . he likes to pick up riders . . . I've decided I really don't like roller coasters.

Bikram Yoga . . . after the challenge 107 . . . Washing Away

I starting to try a little balance to my life and not so many trips down the freeway to Bikram. I am still enjoying the new Bodyflow release . . . the Monday teacher was back from Taiwan, Nicole . . . she is very detailed and always a good workout.

Tuesday I did my girls run, followed with a trip down the freeway to Bikram.

I hit the noon class with Cheryl. Cheryl is so kind but at the same time has a way of instructing the class to get the maximum benefit of the class. Things that were so out of control yesterday and I was just numb this morning . . . the Bikram seemed to wash all the worry out of my system.

After Bikram I went to Whole Foods . . . they always ask it I would like ice I always accept due to the drive home . . . today I must have waiting a good 10 minutes for the ice to arrive my mind was is calm problem solving mode . . . funny how I was still on almost what I call the Bikram high I was still floating when my ice arrived and headed back home.

Just after unpacking my food purchases, the telephone rang . . . my Dad's telephone number flashed up on the caller ID . . . I calmly pickup up the receiver and said hello. I never quite know what to expect when I answer my telephone when my Dad is on the other end. He seemed to be calm at the moment. It is almost like the calm before the next storm hits. He makes a decision on one thing and when you think it is set he changes his mind. He has agreed to meet with the attorney and his accountant as we are trying to move forward with my Mother's estate . . . I can almost predict what is going to happen . . . he is not going to understand something or refuses to understand and blow up and storm out and it will be everyone else is the problem.

I lost my energy, did somebody find it?

I lost my energy, did somebody find it? . . . a simple morning walk, Sunday School, Church, a couple of hours working in the church office, back home and mowed the lawn. I just wished I had more energy . . . maybe I just need time to get my batteries recharged.

Maybe I'll break out the indoor cleaning supplies and get inspired.

Just say no to co-dependency

Trying to gain my emotional and physical strength back. Taking a few days off from Bikram. I am totally running on empty physically and mentally.

On Friday went to a Bodyflow class in town just a 60 minute class. Spent the afternoon running errands with my husband and getting time to talk. He is headed out of town for the next three weeks, fortunatly home on weekends. I've just gotten use to having him home and poof gone again.

Still dealing with the issues with my father with my mother's estate. We each had our jobs that were assigned by the attorney back in February 2008. I finished my homework in a timely fashion and got it turned in. My Dad did not. We have had one six month extension, but the time is ticking and now as predicted Dad is striking out and it is everyone elses fault that he didn't finish his homework. I try and stay calm with Dad which so far I have been successful with. We did a bit of brainstorming today. I told him nobody thinks dealing with settling with someones estate is fun. Because dealing with someones estate means someone died and that is a very sad thing. Dad got very quiet. I think he is finally grieving.

On Saturday I had an easy run with some friends and then spent an hour sitting on their back porch enjoying great conversation while enjoying the nature preserve that back up to their backyard.

When I go home more e-mails from my Dad and then a telephone call. I am totally drained. My Dad and Mom had this co-dependency going on. After Mom got sick and died he lost that . . . no one to bail him out when he got himself a bit too deep. It seems like none of the daughters are willing to take on the co-dependency roll. Basically he says if you don't do this then I'm going to do that and you have no worth to me. I am not willing to play that game.